Hafidha's Crack

[tylik]

Yeah, going back over the list was more useful than I expected. When I first started reading SU, my spine was an awful mess (which does weird things to my thought processes, and weirder things to memory formation) and I didn't know about Easter Eggs. And I was largely reading episodes on my phone on my way to and from PT appointments. So there were a number of things I'd missed... and I'm thinking I might do well to go back and re-read the first season.

Though, um, not until I've gotten these blasted abstracts done.

Emotionally, quite well.

Scientifically, not so much.

Okay, just so we're clear on that...

[antongarou]

we've seen plenty of gammas who had no wish whatsoever to hurt people, but were completely aware that they were doing so (I'm thinking here of Dave Schumacher in particular).  In which case, I want to know what it is about the Anomaly that makes them do it.

I personally don't consider Shumacher to be a good example of Gamma, since he wasn't interested in harming people, except his business partner which he held responsible for various crimes. And even then- it was only when he was under high stress that he went for him. It is very possible that had he not performed suicide by sniper he would have been easily "salvageable".

I am confused by the parallel you are drawing, or that your friend is drawing.  Is the implication that people with acute PTSD are "holding onto people" and people with chronic PTSD are not "holding onto people"? ? If so, what does "holding onto people" mean?

Also, do you (or does your friend) draw any distinctions between people with managed chronic PTSD and unmanaged chronic PTSD?

"Holding onto people" means exactly that- having the possibility and letting other people support them, especially near the trauma. It's both having a social safety net, and holding onto enough trust to lean on it emotionally. When it is near the trauma it make the chances of acute(rather then chronic) PTSD much larger- i.e. people allowing themselves to go to pieces for a few days/weeks rather then staying with controlled facade and having the stress venting through cracks and building up. If this is an older trauma then it helps in making the PTSD manageable by establishing a "safe" environment.Not all people have the option or the ability i.e. Hafidha had very few people she could lean on, emotionally, after Erik's death:she probably still viewed Chaz as too close to his own trauma, and Reyes Brady and Lau would have been worse then useless for various reason's(Brady and Lau's issues, the trust issues with Reyes)- effectively the only person she could even half lean on was Daphne, and I'm not sure she trusted her enough on emotional level.

PS. No, I'm not "blaming the victim" here- I'm noting danger populations. I myself am in danger population if I ever undergo major trauma, exactly because of these issues. In addition some things *will* leave chronic PTSD, no matter what.

[DavidG]

Although I'd be willing to lay bets that people with hero complex will tend to breakthrough as  Betas- mostly because their focus is on saving other people.

That depends an awful lot on the precise nature of the Hero Complex. There's the hero who does it because it needs doing, and the hero who does it because he wants to be seen as a hero (c.f. Zapp Brannigan from Futurama). Munchhausen's by Proxy is essentially a variation on the Hero Complex, so are some Angels of Death and Hero-Homicides (which can both be seen as a variation on Munchhausen's by Proxy). Given the way the anomaly can turn harmless little old ladies into hardened serial killers there's not much doubt in my mind it could pervert even the most selfless hero complex, in fact isn't that essentially what it did with La Befana?

[DavidG]

my spine was an awful mess (which does weird things to my thought processes, and weirder things to memory formation)

I suspect it's a working memory thing, it certainly knocks points galore off my IQ.

[tylik]

Actually, AFAICT, it effects memory formation, working memory, and recall for me, separately and pretty consistently. And it'd creepy and I hate it very much. In the case of memory formation, there's been a fair bit of research done on how cortisol suppresses dendritic spine formation in the hypocampus.

[DavidG]

And it'd creepy and I hate it very much.

Agree completely. And the only painkillers that work for me seem to have pretty much the same effect, if not worse. Having to choose that when I need less pain is the most horrible choice my disability forces on me, I just had a character in a short story label it as 'choosing a diminution of self' while saying that sometimes you have to choose the pain.

[glinda_w]

my spine was an awful mess (which does weird things to my thought processes, and weirder things to memory formation)

I suspect it's a working memory thing, it certainly knocks points galore off my IQ.

Oh, yes, this. Chronic pain affects so many things, on so many levels. (As in, how in *hell* did I manage to wake myself up at 7 am with back pain so bad I couldn't move for a couple of minutes? The only thing I did yesterday was laundry, and only three loads, and that doesn't normally do this to me. *whine*whine*) (I'm doing better this afternoon, after seeking intercession from Sts. Vicoprofen and Flexeril. *wry*)

[glinda_w]

Having to choose that when I need less pain is the most horrible choice my disability forces on me, I just had a character in a short story label it as 'choosing a diminution of self' while saying that sometimes you have to choose the pain.

Yeah. One of the "good" things about being on disability is that there are few days when I actually have to be out and about and wearing the Competent Woman persona, but I still avoid adequate medication a lot of the time, because it *is* a diminution of self. Creativity goes away when the pain's too bad, but the vico blunts it, too.

What's also hell is when I miss out on something enjoyable - I don't go do things that often, partly for financial reasons, partly for the lack of spoons thing, so if I have to cancel on something I've been looking forward to, literally, for months, it hurts. Am hoping that I'm actually going to be up for Tristan und Isolde on Wednesday night. (Oy. 4 1/2 hours of sitting, with two intermissions. This might get... interesting.)

[DavidG]

I still avoid adequate medication a lot of the time, because it *is* a diminution of self. Creativity goes away when the pain's too bad, but the vico blunts it, too.

Yeah, I actually cut my Butrans dosage last year, when really I needed to increase it, just couldn't stand feeling like my brain was half-awake all of the time. Had to go back up in May for a couple of weeks to head of a flare-up and actually hated it even more.

if I have to cancel on something I've been looking forward to, literally, for months, it hurts. Am hoping that I'm actually going to be up for Tristan und Isolde on Wednesday night. (Oy. 4 1/2 hours of sitting, with two intermissions. This might get... interesting.)

Yeah, I haven't been to the cinema this year, despite paying for a monthly go as often as you like ticket. There's some stuff I want to see, but with the state of my neck at the moment I suspect the only way I'm getting through a film is with a collar on.