3x09, "The Small Dark Movie of Your Life"

[bbbarry]

Hi all,

This amazing discussion has finally got me to register - to say hello to you all plus show admiration for the PTB.

So many sides to this. We started out with Daphne, so she's always been  a central character - so likable, so...  dare I say it, normal? Hard to let go of, hard to kill, too! Whether or not her death was arbitrary in a realistic way, the way that death can be, or part of some yet unseen mechanism.

But plot wise I have a funny feeling about all this, that there is a much bigger picture, whether or not she is really gone. (Still shocked, starting to accept her death.)

For instance, Sol. A lot already said about his role in this. I can't see him as a mere passive witness or recorder of events. Sol... & Reyes: he scrambled the whole team. When has he done that before? Someone always holds the fort. The case ticked all the right boxes - Reyes knew that it was significant. He knows or is expecting something. It may be over for Daphne, but this case isn't closed.

"Everyone else?" I asked, obscurely and suddenly surprised.
"Everyone."
The trickle of cold-packed hinky woke up, rolled over, and yawned.

The bug. A thought. There may be no Moriarty or Puppeteer, but under the pressure of investigation & elimination it might evolve. It might evolve in unexpected ways.

My twopennorth as they say,
Bbbarry

[eschatonic]

(And just to add a complicating nuance, I don't think I regard the idea of loss of self with quite the horror that most people seem to).

Buddhism may be the right religion for you, if you're in the market for one.

[miminnehaha]

Welcome, Bbbarry. 

[miminnehaha]

(is not trying to argue but to draw a distinction for the purpose of reflection. s'okay?)

Daphne was the team's heart. Reyes = brain; Esther = spine; the rest aren't obvious to me, but those three are clear as day. Now that their center is gone, what are they going to do? Brady's going to step up, but as much as I love him, he's not the people person that Daphne was.

True. But: the team's heart, brain, spine.  SU not necessarily equivalent to the team.


^{For me, SU=Chaz, but Chaz does not stand alone.  Just like he can get inside his people with the mirror, his people are inside of him.  So what happens to, through, near, because of the team-- it's an outward expression of what happens inside Chaz.}

[jennygadget]

miminnehaha

I think this is part of what I was trying to get at when I was talking about thinking I was reading a different story.  I think you may be right, actually - but you being right doesn't change what I thought the story was about and why I was drawn to it.  And it's part of what is making me mad and sad, because it means I've lost more than a friend/character.  It's not like this has never happened to me before, but just like with losing Daphne, the intensity is...a bit more than typical.

[Lioness]

(is not trying to argue but to draw a distinction for the purpose of reflection. s'okay?)

Daphne was the team's heart. Reyes = brain; Esther = spine; the rest aren't obvious to me, but those three are clear as day. Now that their center is gone, what are they going to do? Brady's going to step up, but as much as I love him, he's not the people person that Daphne was.

True. But: the team's heart, brain, spine.  SU not necessarily equivalent to the team.


^{For me, SU=Chaz, but Chaz does not stand alone.  Just like he can get inside his people with the mirror, his people are inside of him.  So what happens to, through, near, because of the team-- it's an outward expression of what happens inside Chaz.}

!!  That last bit especially.  Because lately, for me, SU has come at me through Sol mostly. Maybe that shaped how I reacted to this episode a lot. (Used to be that SU came at me through Chaz mostly.)

I gonna go post in Sol's area, because I just realized where a particular comment I've been holding back should go. (I knew it shouldn't go here.)

[miminnehaha]

miminnehaha

I think this is part of what I was trying to get at when I was talking about thinking I was reading a different story.  I think you may be right, actually - but you being right doesn't change what I thought the story was about and why I was drawn to it.  And it's part of what is making me mad and sad, because it means I've lost more than a friend/character.  It's not like this has never happened to me before, but just like with losing Daphne, the intensity is...a bit more than typical.

I understand, Jennygadget.  Intensity is not lacking around here, which is part of what makes this SUniverse great. 

We're all carving our way into story/experience upon story/experience within story/experience...

I highly recommend jimsmyth's the I-Just-Have-All-This-Kleenex-Because-It-Was-On-Sale Bench. I'll supply brownies.

[tylik]

If you guys don't mind humouring me: What's made this third one so emotionally different from the two before?

I am also asking because this is honestly not the general tenor of the reaction I anticipated.

Just a possibility, mostly conveyed out of curiosity on my part -

Is part of it the lack of contact, and the finality of lack of contact?

Chaz went through hell, but we kind of got to go through hell with him. And when he was gone, we could keep hoping he'd be back, and had no real reason to think otherwise.

Hafs... we're still hoping she'll be back, at least from evidence of this discussion. (In neither case do I want to claim my "we" to speak for everyone, this is just what it sounds like to me.) And Hafs was not so much of a viewpoint character - we've spent less time inside her head, and gotten to feel fewer of her insecurities close up.

But Daphne is gone. We don't get to see her plans and gossip any more, and crack jokes with her on lifejournal. We don't get to see the stories through her, and see her growing into herself in the group. Maybe we have more of a tolerance for seeing dearly beloved characters overcome awful circumstances - you almost have to if you like fiction. But, gone?

[Lioness]

Hello, Bbbarry, and welcome.

[aj]

This amazing discussion has finally got me to register - to say hello to you all plus show admiration for the PTB.

Me too. Hi!

All the "last words" in part 3 made me check what Daphne's were: "It'll be all right."

[miminnehaha]

This amazing discussion has finally got me to register - to say hello to you all plus show admiration for the PTB.

Me too. Hi!

All the "last words" in part 3 made me check what Daphne's were: "It'll be all right."

Thank you. I needed that. In an addicted-to-ECR kind of way.

Welcome, indeed!

[Lioness]

Here’s something to distract your thinking apparatus:  in part 3 of SDMoYL, each portion of narrative begins with an epigram, a quote, and in each instance it’s someone asking not to be left alone as they, presumably, die.  There was no chance that Daphne was going to be left alone in this past week.  So, who is that reiteration aimed at?  (Aside from us.)

Hm. I read it as resonance with the thing Daphne said in Breathe:

"There's no good way of doing it," she said. "Dying. And they're alone. Even when you're right there."

Also, somebody earlier was talking about last words, in a bunch of the quotes.  Daphne's last words do make me dissolve every time I read them. They're perfectly her.

"You did good. It'll be all right."

So I figure I'm going to try to hold on to that. It's the last thing she gave us. Even if right now it hurts to hold onto it, she'd want us to.


(Edited to add: huh! my fandom sometimes does synchronized posting.)

[jennygadget]

Here’s something to distract your thinking apparatus:  in part 3 of SDMoYL, each portion of narrative begins with an epigram, a quote, and in each instance it’s someone asking not to be left alone as they, presumably, die.  There was no chance that Daphne was going to be left alone in this past week.  So, who is that reiteration aimed at?  (Aside from us.)

Hm. I read it as resonance with the thing Daphne said in Breathe:

"There's no good way of doing it," she said. "Dying. And they're alone. Even when you're right there."

Oh, thank you!  I thought she had said something like that at one point, but I couldn't handle going back and finding it.

aj - I totally did that too

[Lioness]

And welcome, aj!

[Clarentine]

Here’s something to distract your thinking apparatus:  in part 3 of SDMoYL, each portion of narrative begins with an epigram, a quote, and in each instance it’s someone asking not to be left alone as they, presumably, die.  There was no chance that Daphne was going to be left alone in this past week.  So, who is that reiteration aimed at?  (Aside from us.)

Hm. I read it as resonance with the thing Daphne said in Breathe:

"There's no good way of doing it," she said. "Dying. And they're alone. Even when you're right there."

Ah - there's the connection I missed.  Thanks for highlighting those dots, Lioness. 

One of the things that's struck me the hardest is the uneasy feeling, heading through part 2, that the team was going to be faced with its own end of life decision-making situation, coupled with a sort of expectation that, as they have with the previous two season enders, the team member in peril would somehow pull through.  When we got another whole part after Daphne was injured, it was clear that's what we going to be facing.  And, as part 3 kept going on, I went into "What? Really? What?" mode.  Reader-brain, to borrow someone else's phraseology, applauds the PTB and Leah particularly for hooking me this hard, this thoroughly, right through the guts.  Friend-brain is left gasping like a gaffed fish.