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Elizabeth Bear
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« on: August 10, 2008, 06:39:26 pm » |
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chaz: "As if puberty weren't stressful enough."
Todd: "See? That's why we're better than all those other law enforcement agencies. Correct use of the subjunctive."
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MadGastronomer
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« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2008, 06:42:18 pm » |
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We need another thread for this? Did one of the others get too long?
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Elizabeth Bear
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« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2008, 06:43:16 pm » |
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Sixteen pages is a bit unwieldy.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chaz: "As if puberty weren't stressful enough."
Todd: "See? That's why we're better than all those other law enforcement agencies. Correct use of the subjunctive."
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betsythemuffin
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« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2008, 08:41:31 pm » |
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Poor Chaz! Him clearing the apartment broke my heart.
Yanno, again.
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Ash
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« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2008, 10:37:25 pm » |
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Poor Chaz! Him clearing the apartment broke my heart. Yep. This was yet another one that had me saying, "Oh, baby" at the end. Poor Coyote. (And in a brief moment of self-examination: what is it that's so attractive about these walking wounded guys? Talk about a habit worth quitting!  ) |
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el_jefe
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« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2008, 11:08:21 pm » |
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It's a good thing this is TV. Cause the whole Chaz has a gun thing really stretched it for me. Did I miss someone smuggling that in for him? |
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I carry a gun because I can't fit Sol Todd in my pocket.
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MadGastronomer
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« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2008, 11:20:40 pm » |
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It wasn't mentioned, but I assume Daphne brought it to him with his clothes when she came to pick it up, and that they either made an exception for Federal agents or she gave it to him when they got to the car, and that wasn't mentioned, either.
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Emma Bull
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« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2008, 11:29:50 pm » |
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Sorry--scene break. Lost it in the transition. And it should have been in there, because it was an awkward and significant moment. (But there was so much awkwardness...)
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Falkner to Worth: "'Competent'" is not an insult."
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el_jefe
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« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2008, 11:39:02 pm » |
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It wasn't mentioned, but I assume Daphne brought it to him with his clothes when she came to pick it up, and that they either made an exception for Federal agents or she gave it to him when they got to the car, and that wasn't mentioned, either.
As an FYI, hospitals usually aren't thrilled with on duty cops having firearms inside (although this is changing as it becomes more common). But having a cop on narcotics with a gun? Heh. And it would have to be Daphne, I don't think anyone else would give him a gun. I see the problem tho, if Chaz was Brady he would have a backup piece stashed near the door to clear the house with. But old Chaz wouldn't have that, so scene break. It happens on TV.  |
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I carry a gun because I can't fit Sol Todd in my pocket.
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Emma Bull
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« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2008, 12:44:28 am » |
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He asked her to bring it. Actually had that bit in mind, but forgot to put it in. Might be worth a revision. And because of the cast, this is where he starts carrying/drawing left-handed.
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Falkner to Worth: "'Competent'" is not an insult."
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el_jefe
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« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2008, 12:54:33 am » |
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I dunno about that, I'm probably one of the few people that would ping about it  Besides, you guys have to have some faults. The true fen need something to speculate/argue about. |
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I carry a gun because I can't fit Sol Todd in my pocket.
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Bunny M
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« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2008, 04:16:17 am » |
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Besides, you guys have to have some faults. The true fen need something to speculate/argue about.
Exactly! If you didn't make these occasional 'errors', where would we truefen find our opportunities to nerdgas? |
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*watches his life get devoured like Dread Cthulhu snacking on a yacht*
Snacking, folks, snacking. I don't know where you got any other ideas, and frankly I'm not sure I want to know =)
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Elizabeth Bear
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« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2008, 06:58:29 am » |
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He asked her to bring it. Actually had that bit in mind, but forgot to put it in. Might be worth a revision. And because of the cast, this is where he starts carrying/drawing left-handed.
The discussion where he asks her to bring it is in the ljs,actually. In code. *g* So it's not a scene break. Just a hyperfictional compatibility issue. |
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chaz: "As if puberty weren't stressful enough."
Todd: "See? That's why we're better than all those other law enforcement agencies. Correct use of the subjunctive."
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Edmund Schweppe
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« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2008, 09:24:16 am » |
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It wasn't mentioned, but I assume Daphne brought it to him with his clothes when she came to pick it up, and that they either made an exception for Federal agents or she gave it to him when they got to the car, and that wasn't mentioned, either.
The very first paragraph of the in-the-car scene established that he had it: Daphne's car had sheepskin seat covers; he could lean back as long as he was careful. The worst discomfort was the butt of his pistol poking him in the ribs when he sat. I just wonder whether or not he was reaching for the weapon when Daphs didn't take the exit he expected: Detour. Nothing you can't go around. But his heart kept pounding; something frighteningly like a sob stuck in his throat. He dug his left hand into the sheepskin, hidden beneath his thigh. |
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"Suddenly one of my great satisfactions in life is knowing I'm not a character in an Anne Rice novel." - Hafidha |
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el_jefe
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« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2008, 09:44:13 am » |
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The discussion where he asks her to bring it is in the ljs,actually. In code. *g* So it's not a scene break.
Just a hyperfictional compatibility issue.
Now that I remember, vaguely. |
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I carry a gun because I can't fit Sol Todd in my pocket.
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