Using the Boards II: a reminder

[Emma Bull]

People, being people, will say stuff that irritates you. Maybe even outrages you.

Please, before you respond, step back from your keyboard. Consider the very likely possibility that the offender phrased their thought awkwardly, or was making a clumsy joke, or, without intending any offense, missed the implications of something you're sensitive to.

Intentions do matter. Making a mistake is not the same as being a jerk on purpose. When something on the board bothers or offends you, please start by asking courteously for clarification. Do it in the spirit of a friend talking to a friend. When you start the discussion with outrage and anger, it can't easily be dialed back down to even a friendly disagreement, no matter what happens next.

And however righteous your anger may seem to you, leaping straight for the nuclear response makes this board an emotional minefield, a place where newcomers and old-timers alike will hesitate to discuss and disagree on things that mean a lot to them. Since that's what this BBS is for, that's not so good. We need you to help us preserve this community as a place where all Shadow Unit readers are welcome.

Are we good? On belay?

[txanne]

Two valued members of this community have deleted their accounts in the last week; one removed their posts, one didn't. Another person seriously considered leaving/deleting, but fortunately changed hir mind.

Please, everyone, before you go away upset, hurt, or angry, tell us so we can try to make it right.

[glinda_w]

Two valued members of this community have deleted their accounts in the last week; one removed their posts, one didn't. Another person seriously considered leaving/deleting, but fortunately changed hir mind.

oh NO. NO. *is horrified*

Please, everyone, before you go away upset, hurt, or angry, tell us so we can try to make it right.

Seconding this, or tenthing, or whatever number/instance. It's far too easy to misunderstand, to be misunderstood, in a medium that's just text on a screen, no inflections of voice, no expressions of face, no body language.

Not to make it all about mememeME, but - I can't handle losing friends. In the normal course of life, enough people we care for get taken away from us. Let's please not let it happen through ...

ghods.

words, lacking.

[Lioness]

Belay on, and I am sorry for my part in making things more tense, less resilient, or any other not-so-useful thing.

Stick around, folks. Please?

[eschatonic]

Two valued members of this community have deleted their accounts in the last week; one removed their posts, one didn't. Another person seriously considered leaving/deleting, but fortunately changed hir mind.

Please, everyone, before you go away upset, hurt, or angry, tell us so we can try to make it right.

wait, what? who left?

...did they say they left because of a dispute in the forums? Because killing off a major character does sometimes cause people to drop a series that they previously enjoyed. Not blaming the PTBs* for this; it's a valid literary thing to do, but ya know. It happens.


*That's a lie. I am totally blaming you guys. Retcon! Retcon! Bring her back to life! It was all a bad dream! MoriartyGamma made them hallucinate! um. You think of something, I'll wait.

[txanne]

Eschatonic, I'd rather not get into it. I'm in another couple of net.groups which are starting to get meta about the groups and their members, and IME that's never a good sign. I don't know how to fix it, but I think a brief mention isn't out of place. I want my happy fun Deltadom to stay happy, and for the inevitable frictions to be small and quickly solved.

[tylik]

I'd just like to submit that walking away, too, is a response. I don't want to lose people. But I also don't want to see anyone vilified for having said that last thing before someone leaves.

Clear careful communication all around is a good thing. Though we always will trod a line when we're talking about the real stuff, because some of those conversations are going to draw blood, if only that of the person doing the writing.

Forbearance all around, I think. 

[tylik]

Yeah.

...except for that part where I'm too tired to write (what is it? Do I really think whoa, I'm way tired and on the computer, better go post on SU forums...) and am repeating "all around".

Bah. Mostly out of it because I'm staying in a house with no air conditioning and the fireworks were up later than I wanted to be last night... but also kind of down beside there was a suicide in the community a few days back* so I'm thinking morose thinky thoughts. Perhaps I'll try taking a nap instead.

* Not a personal friend, but a friend of many friends, and it's reminding me rather too much of school.

[Lioness]

Yeah.

...except for that part where I'm too tired to write (what is it? Do I really think whoa, I'm way tired and on the computer, better go post on SU forums...) and am repeating "all around".

Bah. Mostly out of it because I'm staying in a house with no air conditioning and the fireworks were up later than I wanted to be last night... but also kind of down beside there was a suicide in the community a few days back* so I'm thinking morose thinky thoughts. Perhaps I'll try taking a nap instead.

* Not a personal friend, but a friend of many friends, and it's reminding me rather too much of school.

I'm... huh. Does it make sense to say I'm sorry about your community? 'Cause I am. Communities are organisms, and they have hard times when painful stuff happens, and I'm sorry yours is having some.

Which applies to ours, here, too, and any other ones we're in. Big Venn diagram, and like that.  Many intersections and overlaps.

And down at maximum resolution, each dot's a person. That's a thing I'm thinking a lot about just now.

[tylik]

I'm... huh. Does it make sense to say I'm sorry about your community? 'Cause I am. Communities are organisms, and they have hard times when painful stuff happens, and I'm sorry yours is having some.

It probably would have been more accurate to say one of the communities. It's not like I'm part of just a single one. I was *really* tired yesterday - hadn't gotten that little sleep, but apparently my body hadn't forgiven me for the 42 hours on half an hour of sleep craziness while we were moving.

Which applies to ours, here, too, and any other ones we're in. Big Venn diagram, and like that.  Many intersections and overlaps.

And down at maximum resolution, each dot's a person. That's a thing I'm thinking a lot about just now.

Yeah. And I was tired enough yesterday that I'd hoped I'd was writing preventively.

I generally tend to care more about people than communities. There's a lot of history there... I guess the condensed version is that communities are kind of an abstraction, and people are real. I mean, I enjoy my communities, but in people I trust, y'know?

[Lioness]

I'm... huh. Does it make sense to say I'm sorry about your community? 'Cause I am. Communities are organisms, and they have hard times when painful stuff happens, and I'm sorry yours is having some.

It probably would have been more accurate to say one of the communities. It's not like I'm part of just a single one. I was *really* tired yesterday - hadn't gotten that little sleep, but apparently my body hadn't forgiven me for the 42 hours on half an hour of sleep craziness while we were moving.

Which applies to ours, here, too, and any other ones we're in. Big Venn diagram, and like that.  Many intersections and overlaps.

And down at maximum resolution, each dot's a person. That's a thing I'm thinking a lot about just now.

Yeah. And I was tired enough yesterday that I'd hoped I'd was writing preventively.

I generally tend to care more about people than communities. There's a lot of history there... I guess the condensed version is that communities are kind of an abstraction, and people are real. I mean, I enjoy my communities, but in people I trust, y'know?

I do know, I think. This thinking about communities-in-their-ownselves is a different... hm, order of stuff? Though they have their own personalities. Which are shaped by people, and therefore change, as people do.

Multiple communities, yep, here too. I figured you did. (Pretty much anybody I've met does, with maybe four exceptions, but that's another digression for another moment.)

Anyhow, glad you are getting some resources replenished after the move, and I send good wishes for more good growing-back, as we call it here.